Shit does not happen in Sweden

På 90-talet undrade Kåll i DN varför det inte finns någon svensk översättning av "Shit happens". Den amerikanske Sverigekorrespondenten Robert Skole svarade: "You know why there's no good Swedish translation for shit happens? Because shit does not happen in Sweden. And you know why shit does not happen in Sweden? Here are the 10 main reasons:"

1. Shit never happens in the world's best nation.
2. Shit's happening is odemokratisk, is orättvist fördelad, and is neither politically correct, Green, nor Leftist.
3. Actually, shit happened 100 years ago in Sweden, but after 1933 it was totally eliminated by the Social Democrats.
4. Shit's happening gets no bidrag, no statsstöd, and the Government has not yet discovered a way to tax it, control it, regulate it, license it, have SIDA export it, or blame the EU for it.
5. However, shit's happening is being studied by an utredning, appointed in 1954.
6. The Royal Swedish Academy tjänsteman in charge of the official translation of "Shit Happens" is either pappaledig, mammaledig, sjukskriven, on semester, kompledig, or at a conference in Lugano.
7. In the private sector, shit's happening is under MBL-negotiation.
8. There is no Riksförbundet för Shit Happens Främjandet.
9. Expressen has not yet figured out how to combine Shit Happens, Arne Weise's latest romance, Mad Cows, Schyman's recipe for Red Rave Easter eggs, and orgasm tips all in one kvaloid (rhymes with hemorrhoid) löpsedel.
10. Shit's happening is not the one subject on this week's debate agenda. If, through some horrible error, shit does happen to happen in Sweden, it is always much worse in other countries, especially the USA.

Tidigare publicerad i DN (1996-04-07)